Today, I am writing about trust. What trust is assumed as? What it actually is? and How important it is in our lives?
So, few months back I was struggling with the understanding of the concept of trust. I was questioning every other person about what trust is according to them. From friends to friends, family to relatives, neighbour to strangers..I had only one question in my mind- What is Trust?
But I did not get a satisfactory reply from any.
Little did I know back then..what I was seeking out in this world, is residing already within me.
One fine night, while I was taking a walk alone in the park I was busy gazing at the dogs, trees, sky, moon, stars and listening the soft music. Memories from the past rushed in, one was fragile enough that I remained in utter shock as I remembered it. It was then that I realised that this fragment of memory was repressed in my unconscious since past three years.
My lips smiled, while my eyes were accepting the visuals of that memory, my voice was screaming in silence and echoing in my head, my hands stood shivered and legs remained numb.
This was the moment of reality. It was then I realised the reason of being unable to trust someone.
No, it wasn’t because of my broken love relationship..rather it was related to unresolved dispute between my father and I.
In that moment, the sooner I got my voice back..I continued to utter, ” I can not trust anyone. I can not trust anyone.”
When I got my bodily senses back, I became mindful of my words, “I can not trust anyone.” And then It struck me… ANYONE, like seriously ANYONE ? ANYONE at all. Can I not trust? Not at all? No trust at all??
I looked around and checked my watch..it was 1 am and I was standing in middle of the park of my society. I felt really vulnerable. I felt unsecured. I imagined all sorts of undesirable accidents which could have happened. And it was not so that I did not know them before. I knew the consequences or probabilities of the occurrence of accident at that time of night. But yet, I stood outside in the park. This..This clicked me into realising how for that moment I trusted the guards of my society.
Did I know them? No.
But did I trust them? Yes.
Did I trust them completely? No
And there..there I found many other incidents when I trusted- knowingly or unknowingly to the knowns and even unknowns. So, even after having the issue in trusting others..because of some bad incident which occurred few months back, or three years back or in my childhood-
Did I continue to trust people? Yes.
Did I trust them completely? No.
The answer was within me, I was already practicing what trust meant for me. I was just not aware of that.
So I made a definition of what trust is for me..
-TRUST is a state of mind.
-TRUST is arbitrary in nature, it is not absolute at all. (means it exists in range e.g. percentages, and it can not exist in 0 and 1 ).
-TRUST comes with a sense of vulnerability i.e. the state of trust and vulnerability are the two sides of the same coin.
-Where there is TRUST, there is HOPE. TRUST and HOPE exists in pair.
This means, even if you are heart broke, you have no capacity to start something new, you have no energy to hold up further, you are doubtful everything that you start to question your own existence….you are still in a state of trust and hope, your very thought which might be full of questions to you, the existence of this thought in it self reflects that you are alive. All that you have to deal with is to start living this life. And to come out from the state of thoughts to the state of this moment, all you have to do is become mindful of your actions.
Feel the bodily sensations- the texture of your couch you are sitting in, the weight of the cup you are holding, the shade of the colour of your wall, the sound of the music playing, the breath you are inhaling, the place you are standing, the locality you are visiting, the friend you are contacting, the words you are reading.
Now realise what all good happened today. You reached home safe after the shopping of your grocery from the store. You drove safe and didn’t hurt others or yourself. You hydrated yourself enough, had meals to keep yourself energised. You withdrew the money safely out of the ATM machine. Your housekeeper returned your coins which she found on the floor. And so many more..which by now you are able to identify I am sure.
While the truth remains that physically- we can no where be 100% safe and secured, then why do we expect it psychologically. Yet in all the above mentioned incidents, you can realise how knowingly or unknowingly you are continuing to trust people and your surroundings without any 100% guarantee of being safe and secured.
Thus, trust is residing in you already. Hope is residing in you already. You do not need to seek the trust outside in others or from others. You are your home, your hope, your trust exists with in you. And it is waiting for you to realise the same.
I wish you find your way back to your own self, back to your home and trust it. May your hope reaches you soon. May your light guides you to bloom.